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I Had To Make A Change

Updated: Mar 19

I became a nomad writer.

Some wondered if I had a sudden windfall of money, but that wasn’t the case. When I left home I had saved enough money to live for about four months on the road. Others assumed a midlife crisis, or a broken heart. Those things may have been early catalysts for the complete reboot of my life, but they were not the driving force behind my decision.

What compelled me to walk away from everything in my life that was familiar?

Starvation. I was dying inside.

Not from a lack of food, but a lack of living. I craved change, the one thing that many humans fear most, and I once feared it myself. I reached a point where I’d simply had enough.

I’d had enough of postponing living for what mattered most to me.

I’d had enough of working 12 hours a day just so I could afford to pay for things that would not help me live the kind of life I wanted to live.

I’d had enough of burning through every ounce of my energy, and having nothing left to give to what mattered.

And finally, I’d had enough of waiting for “something” to happen that would change my situation. It wasn’t “something” that would bring change to my life, it was “someone.” And that someone was me.

I wanted to breathe mountain air, feel the heat of the desert sun burning my flesh, and I wanted to feel the wind of the prairies on my face. I wanted to travel roads that stretched for miles, disappearing into the mirage of the horizon. I wanted to sit by a fire at night, play my guitar, talk to people I didn’t know about what mattered to them, and wake up the next morning with the sun, smelling of wood smoke.

I needed to experience life and fill my soul with adventures. I had done such things when I was younger, but the well in my heart had run dry. I had to do whatever it took to refill it again, so I did.

I became a nomad writer.

Face to Face

“My heart is filled with life and too full

for me to live any other way than full on.

Let the rain crash down, and the wind rush fiercely through me.

Let the cold chill me to the bone, and the sun’s heat bear down upon my flesh.

I want to see,

I want to hear,

I want to touch,

I want to taste,

I want to FEEL it all over and over again.

Let me walk in the lonely places and meet life face to face.”

~K.E. Smith Notes to Self~

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